Di bawah cuaca

A direct translation for Under the Weather which unfortunately brings no meaning what so ever.
So I'm sick.

I haven't been sick for a while actually. It's starting to become a rather novel experience. Not really. Throbbing headache aside, I feel fine already. Had a bit of a fever yesterday which I handled by mostly sleeping it off because I'd run out of paracetamol. Odd, that. Since that's basically my mum's answer to everything. Not that she's far off, since that's what mostly us kids complain about. Oh, and Vicks. Mum really loves Vicks. I haven't any of that though right now. Finished my last jar years ago.

No real thing to write about but I was thinking about the various instances in which I was sick during these Coass year and a half. The most memorable being the fainting incident of IPD posting. Though to be fair, I was exhausted and dehydrated. Hahaha. Memories, that one. Very fond ones.

Then the Bile-Puking-incident of Pediatrics posting in which I puked for the entire night I was on call and still had to go on stand by in the OT for a cesarean. That one makes top list as well. Sad that no one did anything but let me sleep. I doubt my doctor even knew I was sick. Huh.

Also in IPD posting was the Viral-Incident-of-really-high-fever-and-diarrhea in which I touched 40 degrees in one night. And I was scheduled for on call as well, though I was better by the afternoon. They thought I had measles that time. I was pretty much convinced it was viral. Seeing as that particular incident resolved by the afternoon, I'm pretty sure I'm right. I remember that one particularly because we had an emergency case that night and every time I called my consultant to report the patient he would ask me if I was alright and made me promise to rest up if I was feeling peaky again.

After that, not really a lot of bad incidences. Just your random fevers and headaches. But I get tension type headaches on a regular basis. So no worries.

No one ever fusses over me though. They just let me sleep. haha.  And I'm just starting to realize that my most memorable incidences of being sick only happens at that one hospital. Either they're working me too hard or the food around there is really bad. So huh.

I'm glad I had all these experiences though. Builds character? Haha. Though my friends would probably call me crazy and then scream at me for expecting them to do the same. Wouldn't be the first time. I love you anyways :)

So yeah. I'd better go take something for this monster of a headache and go to sleep. May this headache be gone by morning.

alternate title : I have a headache the size of my brain

akunona

Backlogged events

Pretty much a lot of things happened in the time between my last update and now. I don't think I can get everything, mainly because the feelings are already different. Haha. Anyway. I'll do my best writing what ever it is I opened this window to write.

So Neurology posting has already ended last Saturday, today I started a new posting. Right now, doing ENT though still at the same hospital. It's sort of weird still being at the same hospital when all your group mates who shared all the ups and downs and the weirdness of the last posting together. I'll never get used to this. It sort of feels like being abandoned somehow. I know, rather dramatic but yeah. I end up feeling lonely. Like now. I'm still living at the same kost I used during Neurology, because moving is such a hassle and morning commute from jakarta is a nightmare born from the depths of public transportation hell. So yeah. But because Nadia and Atiqah used to live here to, it feels kinda weird. Not that I usually went to hang out at their room or anything, but the feeling that there's someone else there, sort of feels safe. Not that there aren't any friends here, there are. But yeah.

So ENT posting? Nothing to comment on yet. It's just been the first day. I'm sleepy and I don't really want to study. A feeling sadly, that has been prevailing recently. I say I'm tired. Not physically, the weekend really helped. But mentally. I can't take it anymore maybe? I need a break. That's what I want.

Actually, I want to go home. I really, really want to go home. But circumstances do not seem in my favor. Hasn't been. Doesn't seem to be heading in that general direction either. So, yeah. Kinda sucks at the moment.
I don't know.
Feeling kinda lethargic.

In other recent happenings, we were called the worst group ever to pass through the vaulted halls of the RSBY Neurology posting. Yeah. We were just that dumb apparently. Even me. But expectations are generally far from reality, and the reality is I'm kinda dumb as well. So yeah. You can take your expectations and shove it some place where the sun don't shine. Or something.

Question; if I don't reach (or even exceed) someone's expectation of me, is it my fault for not trying hard enough (or for not being smart enough) or is it their fault for being unrealistic?

I know who I'm blaming of course. If you know me well you would know as well.  I wonder if anyone knows me that well? Huh.

I have a recent vague feeling of being, well... vague. Like I don't leave any sort of impression anywhere. Like I just pass through. Like smoke. Or something. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I get surprised when people know who I am during pre-clinic days. It feels like I haven't made any deep relations. But I don't know why that feels so important to me right now.

One of my consultants during Neurology said to me,"I can see you have a lot of drive, but if you want to succeed, you should find friends who have the same drive as you."
In a way, he was telling me to not be friends with my group mates? I have no idea. But I was generally burnt out around the third week, so it was all down hill from there. At full speed ahead because some one cut the brakes.

And it all ended with a spectacular explosion.

Recently, I finished watching Matsujun's latest drama Lucky 7. Though for the most part there were only six because one of the mains had a movie filming as well and was unavailable. Haha. It's the first Matsujun drama I finished and actually liked since Hana Yori Dango. And that's saying something. Because Hana Yori Dango 1 was in 2007-ish. Or was it 2006-ish? Either abouts lah. Pretty awesome. Especially the action scenes. Because Matsujun is bad ass in it. Though Eita's character pretty much steals the show every time he appears. Maybe it's good he had to go for movie filming. Haha. Poor Matssun. But his new hair cut is cool.

I miss fangirling Arashi with my group of friends. We'd got to karaoke and sing japanese songs even if none of us actually know how to read kanji and sometimes end up making up words as we go along. It's fun. And we'd always try to finish the session with A-Ra-Shi. Hahaha. It's kinda cute.

Anything else? I should try to sleep maybe? Since I still have to go in tomorrow. Minor posting or not, it generally sucks.

Ah well. Till next time. When I make more sense probably.

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to mummy. You're awesome. Because if you weren't then I wouldn't be awesome. And I am awesome. Which of course, means you're awesome. Logic. Pure and simple.

mixed

akunona

 

There was once a sane person

There was also once a reason why I opened this window. I can't remember it now though. This window has been open for like an hour and a half, blinking cursor inviting words to be written. Memories recorded. But then I got lazy and watched cat videos. Or not really. Because I watched dance videos. Because I can't dance worth shit. And I also miss my kitties back home.

I'm supposed to be getting ready for the late on call shift. Supposed of course is being the key word here. I am currently sitting in front of my laptop, arms resting on a pile of books that I'm currently looking through so I can make a case analysis, wearing my orange sleeveless and maroon red three quarter shorts. In short, I look like a bum. A bum with wet hair that's tickling my back. Where the hell is my hair-jaw-clippy thingy? I have no idea what it's called.

Anyway, right now posting in Depok at RS Bhakti Yudha for Neurology. Neurology is pretty decent. I like the stuff. Though rather tiring work day here, since we have to be present for morning and evening clinics. And you know how they won't let you sit down and anything right? So yeay for wearing out the soles of shoes. I'm due in, in half an hour. I REALLY should be getting ready. Anybody carry a crow bar so I can pry my ass off this chair?

ARGHHHH!! yeay for latent laziness. Insidious onset, quick progression, fatal outcome. I'm really, really lazy. And random. And I hate everything right now. And I'm left alone in Depok right now because my friends had last night's shift and this morning, both of them went of back to Jakarta leaving me alone. Because I can't go back because I have the damn afternoon-night shift. Well fuck you too.

So! Enough randomness and get that mug of coffee going you dumb girl. You'll be needing it.

Bleagh

there really isn't much meaning to this

akunona

Citer Kesian Minggu Ini

Suatu pagi yang sejuk - sejuk level nak membungkus dalam selimut, alarm phone aku berbunyi. Dalam keadaan separuh sedar, mata tak brape nak bukak, air liur kering kat tepi bibir, aku angkat tangan, meraba - raba mana agaknya phone aku nih. Oh kat sini dia. Aku pun swipe la screen dia pakai jari. Phone sekarang main touch screen segala. Agak cool lah kononnya. Aku tak nampak pun. Main swipe jek. Tapi apa pasal, alarm tak berhenti nih? Makin kuat adalah? Aku salah swipe apa - apa ke? Aku pun raba - raba lagi, swipe lagi. Tak berkesan. Aik?

Aku pun mengumpul segala kesedaran yang ada dekat hujung - hujung consciousness aku. Buka mata.

La, patutlah. Ini phone lama. Phone baru kan baru kena curi last week.

Aku pun tekan button dekat tepi phone. Alarm pun berhenti. Separuh sedih separuh nak marah, aku tarik balik selimut.

Pegi mampus lah kau.

Tapi pastu bangun sebab rasa bangang. :)

***

In other news, nona buat kerja sebab nona ikhlas nak buat kerja. Nona suka buat kerja, so nona cari inisiatif untuk memulakan kerja tersebut. Nona tak suka kalau ada kerja. Asyik terpikir - pikir. Bukannya Nona rajin sangat pun. Just kadang - kadang.

Nona tak kata apa - apa. Kalau dalam hati lain cerita lah. Itu cerita dalam hati. Tapi korang pun cari lah inisiatif nak kerja juga :).

Terima kasih.

cerita bahasa melayu hancur sikit - sikit

akunona

In which it probably isn't fair

But that's how life is. And we're all grown up now. I mean, being almost 24 and all, there is a certain sense of conduct that is expected of you. And of course you expect the same out of other people. We've been doing this coass shit for a near on a year. At least some sense of professional decency should have been instilled in you people (though I would like to take this time to point my own finger at my own face and say that I would do well to practice what I preach). It's all good and fun of course. But yeah. Work is work. No matter what you say.

The Socially Awkward Kitteh

In which of course, I just opened a window and decided that, today, I will write. Something. Moan and groan maybe. But hey.

So, sorry for the rather rushed last post. It sounded rather caustic in the way I just threw words out there then left it like that for a week without any explanation or anything. Not that any people care but I do. So, for the rather rushed entry, I apologize. I didn't mean anything bad through it. I was just rather hard pressed for time due to my own fault of procrastination. It is however, very lucky that I am the only girl I know who can get ready in less than half an hour. Fifteen minutes tops. And when really, really rushed, five minutes out the door. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I look like crap most of the time.

As I said, I'm in Bandung right now. Doing Forensics. It's... good? At least I don't have anything against forensics. Contrary to popular belief, I am a scaredy cat. So I can't study thanatology while alone. Also I try my hardest not to look at the pictures too closely when I open my copy of Simpson's. A guy I know once said, in response to me saying I will never, ever watch a horror movie, be it thriller, slasher, or your ghost in the wall movie, ever, that I am unexpectedly, a girl.

It's funny because apparently, that's the image I set. Some kind of independent woman girl/guy or something. Maybe I'm asexual? But that's taking it too far. I am hardly independent though. I just hide it better than other people think. And anyway, I'm just socially awkward. My social skills are sadly, rather underdeveloped. But I'd like to think that when it comes to work, I can overcome that. It's just normal day to day conversations that get me stumped. I'd rather sit quietly somewhere, do my studying and listen to music.

The other day, I have no idea what happened. I came in to work early like usual, sat at my usual spot, or what is fast becoming my usual spot, and took out my books and everything, buckling down for a day of waiting and studying or whatever. People were trickling in, placing their bags, claiming seats, when suddenly, the next thing I knew, I was the only person left in my row. My friend's bags were still there, they how ever, weren't. As I looked confusedly around, apparently everyone had moved to more strategic places around the room so the doctor won't call them over to seat near him, those seats being the dreaded seats of doom. And he usually calls the people who sit far away.

So anyway, I just stayed there. Because as I saw it, if he's gonna call me to sit near him, then so be it. If he doesn't, I'll just stay there. Not that difficult and does not require any more usage of brain power than necessary. In the end anyway, he didn't call me to sit by him or anything . I sat quietly at my seat, doodled some bit, thought about the many ways I disagreed with his opinions, took notes on the things I thought to be important. My note book is a land mine that can only be navigated by the most experienced of explorers.

But anyway, I suppose, what I'm trying to say by telling you that short story, is that, that day, I felt very much disconnected. I hadn't the faintest at what other people were talking about. I only emerged from my thoughts long enough to ask what the hell was happening, receive my answer and disappear back into my own world. It's a very common feeling right now. This disconnection. I have nobody I can talk to. Or at least, one person who would talk to me. And not mind if I talk crap. Because I don't really make a lot of sense most of the time. I have a vague feeling that someone here does not like me. I don't know why. I just feel she doesn't really like me. Not that being liked by her is high on the list of important things I want to do with my life, I just want to know if she really does not like me, and if so, why? What, in this past week we are placed in the same group, that I have done wrong that you would not like me? But that maybe just be me with my epically low self esteem. Or rather, that might be me and my perceived arrogance and ego and holier than thou attitude. Because I am awesome (and ever so humble). We did however, disagree with what field of medicine is the best. Though of course, to each her own. Either way, I just needed to get that off my mind. :)

I treat her the same as usual though. At least, I'm not doing anything I'm not already doing. Minding my own business. Being lost in my own world. It's all fun of course.

Today, after a week of moving in groups, I managed to slip out for a walk alone. Of course after informing someone that I'm going out a bit. I ended buying sneakers. Black sneakers and a pair of socks. To make things clear, I did plan to buy black sneakers at one point. So, because I had a chance of doing it with out having to bother about if I would bother anyone else if I wanted to go into some such store, I did. And really, without even thinking that much about it, I just bought a pair. Then looked for some socks because I didn't bring any, and there you have my day.

I miss my friends. Or at least the people who look at me in amusement as I go of on tangents and end up talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

I miss my family. Because it has really been that long and I need a holiday. I need to go home and understand once again why the fuck I'm doing this.

I miss Ninomeow. My cat.

I miss being able to study. Because I think that drive that I had has disappeared. I want it back.



Ah well...

akunona

Of occasions

I'll be heading to Bandung in an hour or so. I should probably be getting a bath and getting ready and everything. But I'm not. As can be witnessed by this being typed.

Hi.

I finished my dermatology posting last Friday. I'm being posted to Bandung to do my Forensics rotation. Not a lot of people like this because it's going to be for four weeks and they have on calls. While the other place is in Jakarta and takes only two weeks but has the usual night shift. But I kinda have to admit, I am slightly looking forward to this. We'll see if it comes up to anything.

Of occasions, as the title says. Today my brother is getting engaged. Judging by the time, they already gave gotten engaged. In the usual Malay tradition and all that. The wedding itself will be sometime within a year. Let's just be hoping I'm actually at home at that time so I can participate. Not that my attendance would make any difference, it's just the principal of the matter.

On other occasions, today marks a year of Japan's earthquake. Funny how the year seems to fly by. Pray for Japan and all that.

on that note, gotta rush!!!!!!!!!!

tour of duty commence!

akunona