Saturday, October 06, 2012

Breakdown

So I had one this afternoon. A break down. It was epic. Pathetically epic. Like hell.
I had my exam today. You know. That exam on that paper we were supposed to write in two weeks. It isn't just any paper. It is a study report. With basically no know how, we were directed to do a descriptive study at our appointed locations. And not to mention the lectures on how to actually go about making a study were held while we were doing our study. So, in essence, what it became was something like this.


  1.  No one knew how the heck do we go about writing chapter three while we were due to present our progress (chapters 1 - 3) in three days. 
  2. Every one went, just fuck this, we'll just follow what the theory says.
  3. Paper gets done until chapter 3
  4. Next day, lecturer comes in and teaches us how to write chapter 3 after the fact that we had already presented to progress report to our tutor where we were spectacularly yelled at for being stupid.
  5. Rinse and repeat for practically every chapter.
  6. Sometimes, though, if you're lucky, you'll get taught before you've proceeded. Though this is very not recommended because you have only two weeks to write it up. And it you waited for the lecturers to come in and teach you first, well. Good luck with that.
Basically, it was crap in a hand basket, thrown of a ten floor building. Fun. Like you've never seen before. 

But that's done. Paper got finished one day before deadline. I spent every day of this week coming home late, because I had to stay back and write that damn paper. With or without the help of my groupmates. We were a very cohesive group of bullshit. I still have residual headache. 

Then this afternoon, we found out where we'll be posted next, in the nooks. So, I found out I was posted in a four person group. One is my own group mate, whom even if I love with all my heart, I feel is too early that I have to work with her still. One is a guy who is pretty much not dependable. At all. You'd think a guy like that would have a sense of responsibility, and yet. And another girl who I have not worked with, have no idea how she works, and yet I am apprehensive because of my recent experiences. I don't know. I hate everything. The clinic we're posted to is apparently a new one, and no co-ass has ever been there before. Which makes it harder for us. And not to mention I don't want any extra responsibilities anymore. Seriously Let me be a sleeper member or something. Please. I want some one I can talk to. Some one who actually speaks Malaysian maybe. Why the hell am I the only Malaysian in my group? Seriously? Why? And then people keep saying that the division is fair. You get a well balanced group. I could die. Seriously. I could. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry again.

It was pretty pathetic. Like a kid throwing a tantrum. Yes. I am immature. I am stressed. I hate pretty much anything right now. I want to run away from all this crap. Give me a break. Or at least group mates whom I can enjoy myself with. Or something. Why does everyone else gets to go with their best friends? The heck is wrong with me? The heck is wrong with you? 

Like I said, I hate pretty much everything right now. Anyway.

I'm gonna go sleep now

"seriously, can I cut off your balls and call you a girl?"

akunona