But that's how life is. And we're all grown up now. I mean, being almost 24 and all, there is a certain sense of conduct that is expected of you. And of course you expect the same out of other people. We've been doing this coass shit for a near on a year. At least some sense of professional decency should have been instilled in you people (though I would like to take this time to point my own finger at my own face and say that I would do well to practice what I preach). It's all good and fun of course. But yeah. Work is work. No matter what you say.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Socially Awkward Kitteh
In which of course, I just opened a window and decided that, today, I will write. Something. Moan and groan maybe. But hey.
So, sorry for the rather rushed last post. It sounded rather caustic in the way I just threw words out there then left it like that for a week without any explanation or anything. Not that any people care but I do. So, for the rather rushed entry, I apologize. I didn't mean anything bad through it. I was just rather hard pressed for time due to my own fault of procrastination. It is however, very lucky that I am the only girl I know who can get ready in less than half an hour. Fifteen minutes tops. And when really, really rushed, five minutes out the door. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I look like crap most of the time.
As I said, I'm in Bandung right now. Doing Forensics. It's... good? At least I don't have anything against forensics. Contrary to popular belief, I am a scaredy cat. So I can't study thanatology while alone. Also I try my hardest not to look at the pictures too closely when I open my copy of Simpson's. A guy I know once said, in response to me saying I will never, ever watch a horror movie, be it thriller, slasher, or your ghost in the wall movie, ever, that I am unexpectedly, a girl.
It's funny because apparently, that's the image I set. Some kind of independent woman girl/guy or something. Maybe I'm asexual? But that's taking it too far. I am hardly independent though. I just hide it better than other people think. And anyway, I'm just socially awkward. My social skills are sadly, rather underdeveloped. But I'd like to think that when it comes to work, I can overcome that. It's just normal day to day conversations that get me stumped. I'd rather sit quietly somewhere, do my studying and listen to music.
The other day, I have no idea what happened. I came in to work early like usual, sat at my usual spot, or what is fast becoming my usual spot, and took out my books and everything, buckling down for a day of waiting and studying or whatever. People were trickling in, placing their bags, claiming seats, when suddenly, the next thing I knew, I was the only person left in my row. My friend's bags were still there, they how ever, weren't. As I looked confusedly around, apparently everyone had moved to more strategic places around the room so the doctor won't call them over to seat near him, those seats being the dreaded seats of doom. And he usually calls the people who sit far away.
So anyway, I just stayed there. Because as I saw it, if he's gonna call me to sit near him, then so be it. If he doesn't, I'll just stay there. Not that difficult and does not require any more usage of brain power than necessary. In the end anyway, he didn't call me to sit by him or anything . I sat quietly at my seat, doodled some bit, thought about the many ways I disagreed with his opinions, took notes on the things I thought to be important. My note book is a land mine that can only be navigated by the most experienced of explorers.
But anyway, I suppose, what I'm trying to say by telling you that short story, is that, that day, I felt very much disconnected. I hadn't the faintest at what other people were talking about. I only emerged from my thoughts long enough to ask what the hell was happening, receive my answer and disappear back into my own world. It's a very common feeling right now. This disconnection. I have nobody I can talk to. Or at least, one person who would talk to me. And not mind if I talk crap. Because I don't really make a lot of sense most of the time. I have a vague feeling that someone here does not like me. I don't know why. I just feel she doesn't really like me. Not that being liked by her is high on the list of important things I want to do with my life, I just want to know if she really does not like me, and if so, why? What, in this past week we are placed in the same group, that I have done wrong that you would not like me? But that maybe just be me with my epically low self esteem. Or rather, that might be me and my perceived arrogance and ego and holier than thou attitude. Because I am awesome (and ever so humble). We did however, disagree with what field of medicine is the best. Though of course, to each her own. Either way, I just needed to get that off my mind. :)
I treat her the same as usual though. At least, I'm not doing anything I'm not already doing. Minding my own business. Being lost in my own world. It's all fun of course.
Today, after a week of moving in groups, I managed to slip out for a walk alone. Of course after informing someone that I'm going out a bit. I ended buying sneakers. Black sneakers and a pair of socks. To make things clear, I did plan to buy black sneakers at one point. So, because I had a chance of doing it with out having to bother about if I would bother anyone else if I wanted to go into some such store, I did. And really, without even thinking that much about it, I just bought a pair. Then looked for some socks because I didn't bring any, and there you have my day.
I miss my friends. Or at least the people who look at me in amusement as I go of on tangents and end up talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
I miss my family. Because it has really been that long and I need a holiday. I need to go home and understand once again why the fuck I'm doing this.
I miss Ninomeow. My cat.
I miss being able to study. Because I think that drive that I had has disappeared. I want it back.
Ah well...
So, sorry for the rather rushed last post. It sounded rather caustic in the way I just threw words out there then left it like that for a week without any explanation or anything. Not that any people care but I do. So, for the rather rushed entry, I apologize. I didn't mean anything bad through it. I was just rather hard pressed for time due to my own fault of procrastination. It is however, very lucky that I am the only girl I know who can get ready in less than half an hour. Fifteen minutes tops. And when really, really rushed, five minutes out the door. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I look like crap most of the time.
As I said, I'm in Bandung right now. Doing Forensics. It's... good? At least I don't have anything against forensics. Contrary to popular belief, I am a scaredy cat. So I can't study thanatology while alone. Also I try my hardest not to look at the pictures too closely when I open my copy of Simpson's. A guy I know once said, in response to me saying I will never, ever watch a horror movie, be it thriller, slasher, or your ghost in the wall movie, ever, that I am unexpectedly, a girl.
It's funny because apparently, that's the image I set. Some kind of independent woman girl/guy or something. Maybe I'm asexual? But that's taking it too far. I am hardly independent though. I just hide it better than other people think. And anyway, I'm just socially awkward. My social skills are sadly, rather underdeveloped. But I'd like to think that when it comes to work, I can overcome that. It's just normal day to day conversations that get me stumped. I'd rather sit quietly somewhere, do my studying and listen to music.
The other day, I have no idea what happened. I came in to work early like usual, sat at my usual spot, or what is fast becoming my usual spot, and took out my books and everything, buckling down for a day of waiting and studying or whatever. People were trickling in, placing their bags, claiming seats, when suddenly, the next thing I knew, I was the only person left in my row. My friend's bags were still there, they how ever, weren't. As I looked confusedly around, apparently everyone had moved to more strategic places around the room so the doctor won't call them over to seat near him, those seats being the dreaded seats of doom. And he usually calls the people who sit far away.
So anyway, I just stayed there. Because as I saw it, if he's gonna call me to sit near him, then so be it. If he doesn't, I'll just stay there. Not that difficult and does not require any more usage of brain power than necessary. In the end anyway, he didn't call me to sit by him or anything . I sat quietly at my seat, doodled some bit, thought about the many ways I disagreed with his opinions, took notes on the things I thought to be important. My note book is a land mine that can only be navigated by the most experienced of explorers.
But anyway, I suppose, what I'm trying to say by telling you that short story, is that, that day, I felt very much disconnected. I hadn't the faintest at what other people were talking about. I only emerged from my thoughts long enough to ask what the hell was happening, receive my answer and disappear back into my own world. It's a very common feeling right now. This disconnection. I have nobody I can talk to. Or at least, one person who would talk to me. And not mind if I talk crap. Because I don't really make a lot of sense most of the time. I have a vague feeling that someone here does not like me. I don't know why. I just feel she doesn't really like me. Not that being liked by her is high on the list of important things I want to do with my life, I just want to know if she really does not like me, and if so, why? What, in this past week we are placed in the same group, that I have done wrong that you would not like me? But that maybe just be me with my epically low self esteem. Or rather, that might be me and my perceived arrogance and ego and holier than thou attitude. Because I am awesome (and ever so humble). We did however, disagree with what field of medicine is the best. Though of course, to each her own. Either way, I just needed to get that off my mind. :)
I treat her the same as usual though. At least, I'm not doing anything I'm not already doing. Minding my own business. Being lost in my own world. It's all fun of course.
Today, after a week of moving in groups, I managed to slip out for a walk alone. Of course after informing someone that I'm going out a bit. I ended buying sneakers. Black sneakers and a pair of socks. To make things clear, I did plan to buy black sneakers at one point. So, because I had a chance of doing it with out having to bother about if I would bother anyone else if I wanted to go into some such store, I did. And really, without even thinking that much about it, I just bought a pair. Then looked for some socks because I didn't bring any, and there you have my day.
I miss my friends. Or at least the people who look at me in amusement as I go of on tangents and end up talking about everything and nothing at the same time.
I miss my family. Because it has really been that long and I need a holiday. I need to go home and understand once again why the fuck I'm doing this.
I miss Ninomeow. My cat.
I miss being able to study. Because I think that drive that I had has disappeared. I want it back.
Ah well...
akunona
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Of occasions
I'll be heading to Bandung in an hour or so. I should probably be getting a bath and getting ready and everything. But I'm not. As can be witnessed by this being typed.
Hi.
I finished my dermatology posting last Friday. I'm being posted to Bandung to do my Forensics rotation. Not a lot of people like this because it's going to be for four weeks and they have on calls. While the other place is in Jakarta and takes only two weeks but has the usual night shift. But I kinda have to admit, I am slightly looking forward to this. We'll see if it comes up to anything.
Of occasions, as the title says. Today my brother is getting engaged. Judging by the time, they already gave gotten engaged. In the usual Malay tradition and all that. The wedding itself will be sometime within a year. Let's just be hoping I'm actually at home at that time so I can participate. Not that my attendance would make any difference, it's just the principal of the matter.
On other occasions, today marks a year of Japan's earthquake. Funny how the year seems to fly by. Pray for Japan and all that.
on that note, gotta rush!!!!!!!!!!
Hi.
I finished my dermatology posting last Friday. I'm being posted to Bandung to do my Forensics rotation. Not a lot of people like this because it's going to be for four weeks and they have on calls. While the other place is in Jakarta and takes only two weeks but has the usual night shift. But I kinda have to admit, I am slightly looking forward to this. We'll see if it comes up to anything.
Of occasions, as the title says. Today my brother is getting engaged. Judging by the time, they already gave gotten engaged. In the usual Malay tradition and all that. The wedding itself will be sometime within a year. Let's just be hoping I'm actually at home at that time so I can participate. Not that my attendance would make any difference, it's just the principal of the matter.
On other occasions, today marks a year of Japan's earthquake. Funny how the year seems to fly by. Pray for Japan and all that.
on that note, gotta rush!!!!!!!!!!
tour of duty commence!
akunona
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