So Neurology posting has already ended last Saturday, today I started a new posting. Right now, doing ENT though still at the same hospital. It's sort of weird still being at the same hospital when all your group mates who shared all the ups and downs and the weirdness of the last posting together. I'll never get used to this. It sort of feels like being abandoned somehow. I know, rather dramatic but yeah. I end up feeling lonely. Like now. I'm still living at the same kost I used during Neurology, because moving is such a hassle and morning commute from jakarta is a nightmare born from the depths of public transportation hell. So yeah. But because Nadia and Atiqah used to live here to, it feels kinda weird. Not that I usually went to hang out at their room or anything, but the feeling that there's someone else there, sort of feels safe. Not that there aren't any friends here, there are. But yeah.
So ENT posting? Nothing to comment on yet. It's just been the first day. I'm sleepy and I don't really want to study. A feeling sadly, that has been prevailing recently. I say I'm tired. Not physically, the weekend really helped. But mentally. I can't take it anymore maybe? I need a break. That's what I want.
Actually, I want to go home. I really, really want to go home. But circumstances do not seem in my favor. Hasn't been. Doesn't seem to be heading in that general direction either. So, yeah. Kinda sucks at the moment.
I don't know.
Feeling kinda lethargic.
In other recent happenings, we were called the worst group ever to pass through the vaulted halls of the RSBY Neurology posting. Yeah. We were just that dumb apparently. Even me. But expectations are generally far from reality, and the reality is I'm kinda dumb as well. So yeah. You can take your expectations and shove it some place where the sun don't shine. Or something.
Question; if I don't reach (or even exceed) someone's expectation of me, is it my fault for not trying hard enough (or for not being smart enough) or is it their fault for being unrealistic?
I know who I'm blaming of course. If you know me well you would know as well. I wonder if anyone knows me that well? Huh.
I have a recent vague feeling of being, well... vague. Like I don't leave any sort of impression anywhere. Like I just pass through. Like smoke. Or something. Maybe it's just me. I mean, I get surprised when people know who I am during pre-clinic days. It feels like I haven't made any deep relations. But I don't know why that feels so important to me right now.
One of my consultants during Neurology said to me,"I can see you have a lot of drive, but if you want to succeed, you should find friends who have the same drive as you."
In a way, he was telling me to not be friends with my group mates? I have no idea. But I was generally burnt out around the third week, so it was all down hill from there. At full speed ahead because some one cut the brakes.
And it all ended with a spectacular explosion.
Recently, I finished watching Matsujun's latest drama Lucky 7. Though for the most part there were only six because one of the mains had a movie filming as well and was unavailable. Haha. It's the first Matsujun drama I finished and actually liked since Hana Yori Dango. And that's saying something. Because Hana Yori Dango 1 was in 2007-ish. Or was it 2006-ish? Either abouts lah. Pretty awesome. Especially the action scenes. Because Matsujun is bad ass in it. Though Eita's character pretty much steals the show every time he appears. Maybe it's good he had to go for movie filming. Haha. Poor Matssun. But his new hair cut is cool.
I miss fangirling Arashi with my group of friends. We'd got to karaoke and sing japanese songs even if none of us actually know how to read kanji and sometimes end up making up words as we go along. It's fun. And we'd always try to finish the session with A-Ra-Shi. Hahaha. It's kinda cute.
Anything else? I should try to sleep maybe? Since I still have to go in tomorrow. Minor posting or not, it generally sucks.
Ah well. Till next time. When I make more sense probably.
Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to mummy. You're awesome. Because if you weren't then I wouldn't be awesome. And I am awesome. Which of course, means you're awesome. Logic. Pure and simple.
mixed
akunona
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